Topic: The Chit Chat Thread

@GirlVersusGame Well, I'm happy to answer any questions you have, so here I go!

As far as your first question, like you said, it's a rather impossible question. I can only compare it to my teen years. Practically my entire time in high school (which includes when I first joined PushSquare!), I was not doing well mentally or physically. I would go to school, yes, but it'd be highly inconsistent. Lots of times I'd be genuinely sick, and other times I would fake illness for weeks just to not have to go. I think, at my worst, I had an attendance of roughly half the time I was expected to be there. I was "lucky" enough that I was able to get away with it in the sense that I was dealing with genuine physical issues for a lot of my childhood, so I was always able to blame it on that whether it was real or not. Eventually, I faked it so bad that I was out for months. This is going to sound pretty sociopathic because it is, but I had actual physical and mental rehabilitation courses for about half a year when I pulled that one off. It ultimately resulted in my having the "perfect" excuse to quit school entirely, and so I did.

Of course in those times I was still forced to go outside simply by having responsibilities as a teen, but when school fell away and the rehabilitation dried up... it was me and my four walls for a couple of years there. There'd be weeks where I would have absolutely no reason to go outside and all and I wouldn't. Eventually, I got more therapy and such that gave me at least a weekly outing of two hours, but that's still mostly what it amounted to for a long time. So... there hasn't been any moment where I've genuinely not seen the outside for probably more than a month, but if there hadn't been any responsibilities, I can imagine there would have been. There's no way I would reach a year simply because my family would bring me outside for birthdays or Christmas and such, which I would've never said no to. But I do think I'd probably last longer than the average person with the walls closing in because I've already been there. The only thing there I can't imagine is being completely cut off. Being online was basically my lifeline there and kept me even a miniscule of sane amongst all of my issues. Maybe if it hadn't been there, I would've felt the need to force myself outside much like your friend did. Or maybe I'd have given up the fight by now and I wouldn't be talking to you here. Who knows? I think it would've had to be one of those options, because a whole year without much in the way of social interaction or seeing the outside... I can't imagine I'd make that.

As for your second question, I'm gay! Of course I've seen The Devil Wears Prada! Though admittedly I don't remember it very well nor do I remember the specific moment you're talking about. I agree with you that there's no way to win while preserving your humanity. I often joke with my roommate about how I'd be a monster if I had any real power over people. I don't think I'd actually be, because I hope I'd feel too bad, but I do genuinely believe that the risk would be there. It is a perfect lens into how I (and I think a lot of people) view the world. As we've talked about before, power will always be corrupting to some degree. Whether you try to resist it or embrace it... if you get into a position like Miranda Priestly, you're not going to preserve the humanity you may have once had. I just don't think it's possible when people become numbers and power equals responsibility. Or maybe you never had the necessary humanity to begin with and this is exactly what you've been working towards all this time.

I will honestly say I don't know if I'd be reflective enough to make the same decision as Andy. It's the ideal of course. Stick to your morals, your values and be successful either because of or in spite of them. But Miranda is right with saying one thing, that positions of power will always be enviable to those who are not in them. I think it takes a very strong person to be able to look at themselves when they start morphing into that and then reject it. The allure will be undeniably strong when you anyway live in a society that, like you said, values power above all. It doesn't even have to be something as drastic as Miranda's position. It can be something way less impressive, but if it can give you the feeling you're above anyone at all, it can be dangerous. It just takes more and more strength the more power it will bring you. And would I be strong enough to reject that like Andy did? I am not sure.

And for your final question, I think it makes total sense that you'd not be missing anything you've never experienced. And I would be lying if there aren't benefits to the way your privacy is invaded either. That how I see it maybe. As invaded privacy. But there's also an element of safety that comes with it that I wouldn't get just walking about. There's no one there looking out for me when I get myself into tricky positions, which I've come to learn the hard truth of all the same. I think that's where it also plays into not being able to miss something you didn't have. I've not had that feeling of safety, so I might not understand the benefits of it and prefer my privacy. I can't miss that safety like you if I've not had it myself. The same way you might not miss your privacy if you've never had it. It just comes down to different lived experiences. I think you can envy what you haven't had, whether it's that or money or friends or whatever, but the term missing inherently implies you've lost something. I think at that point it comes down to how your view yourself. Does someone find themselves deserving of something they've never had? In their fantasy, should they have it? In that case, they might feel something close to what missing something really is. But I don't think it can ever really be the same.

I'm sorry to hear your friend didn't end up messaging you when you hoped she might. I know the word hope might stand out to you, since I know you're very well aware of her reality and that any way she might engage with you could be a risk to her. That said, it's not surprising you'd miss her and still hope that in whatever way she can, she might want to reach out. I'm sure it was disappointing if nothing else. And no, I don't think the messages you shared read in any way as a goodbye. I'm sure that was entirely intentional and carefully thought through as well. Maybe the emojis were unusual like you said, but there would've been no reason for you to think that's what was happening at that exact moment. I don't think there's a hidden message there you can try to understand, even if it would help you with some sort of closure. I wish I could say differently and point out something you'd overlooked. I can't pretend to understand her actions and motives, but I'm sure she had and continues to have her reasons to stay distant. It's horrible for you, but I hope that you continue to find some comfort at least in knowing that she's safe.

And yeah, my tag is: lineliar. I mentioned it before, but I think you might have read over it or not realised that's what I was saying, haha. No worries to rush. I'm not worried about a bunch of creeps adding me suddenly. I think this forum is pretty safe from that! Whenever I see your request come in, I'll pick up the telephone and say hello, hello baby, you called, I can't hear a thing?! (Truly remains one of her best songs, though I'm partial to Judas as my all-time favourite single.)

@JohnnyShoulder I don't have the patience for that or a creative bone in my body.
I moved this here because I keep crossing into other threads and mixing up the order.

• Is exactly what someone said to me about two years ago. I sorted some press credentials for them, they photographed some bands and now it's a full-time business for them. Weddings, events, all kinds of things. They said that same phrase the creative bone in their body when I shared some of my portfolio. You shouldn't sell yourself short, everyone has natural talents that they aren't even aware of. In another life I'd study architecture, I love it but I'm realistic too. Saying you have no creativity isn't realistic, you are probably good at lots of things. I thought Werehog was a photographer, just how they understood the fundamentals, framing and lighting and those were screenshots. I paint and draw too but that's more of a therapeutic thing, you can probably do both and might not even know it. I didn't think I could paint.

I've been painting foxes for about six years, the trick I've found is to keep drawing and painting the same thing over and over again then eventually it looks good. I've painted maybe one hundred of them now. I've given some away because people wanted them for whatever reason. People are harder to paint, not so much do draw but I can't get the tones right with paint. Sometimes I'll sketch a person then just add light water-colours.

That's the sword I was thinking of. It dropped from some guy in the snow and I died to him or it over and over again. That's who I wanted it for, that exact boss.

@Tjuz This is going to be long because I sliced appropriate pieces from some what I wrote over those three weeks. There are three hundred thousand characters, that's one hundred thousand a week, the majority I'll have to show you privately. I had literally nothing else to do all Christmas, but write pieces.

I thought everyone wanted to go to school? Maybe not, I once faked an illness so I didn't have to fly somewhere for lunch. I took bits of food then put them on floor, poured water on them then 'I've been sick', he knew it wasn't real, but I tried. If you faked sickness did your Parents not just call a doctor and say 'can you see please what is wrong with our child'. Or we're you just so good at that didn't even know?

Of course in those times I was still forced to go outside simply by having responsibilities as a teen, but when school fell away and the rehabilitation dried up... it was me and my four walls for a couple of years there. There'd be weeks where I would have absolutely no reason to go outside and all and I wouldn't. Eventually, I got more therapy and such that gave me at least a weekly outing of two hours.

• I have to admit I do like walls, I once tried the Metal Gear Solid thing, you know? a box. I saw so many cats do it on Youtube so I figured why not. It didn't last long, someone said absolutely not. It wasn't that bad, comfortable actually and kind of safe. I asked could we maybe try it with dinner today, my Partner wouldn't budge. He said it was to regressive, that inside is okay but a box just isn't. I did it during Christmas too and didn't tell anyone, then it broke apart. It was for exercise equipment or something, I put some books in there and figured, why not. Gravity or cardboard strength prevailed and it broke apart.

What did you do inside all day? I'm guessing play video-games and write. I didn't always have problems with the outside, that event I told you about, the political thing, that was the first and I did what you did with therapy etc. Then I met my Ex and we moved to his home country, we still lived in London but it was his home base so to speak. Then it happened there are again, or almost did. After that I was done with going outside, I understand people want money etc but take money not people. The second time was louder, recent, the PS5 was out. There won't be a third time, my mind won't even let me stand on the street and that's with many obvious friends. Sometimes it's four, it's called walking the diamond, so one in-front, one behind, one left one right. I don't want to be borrowed again, the last time was too much. England is the number one capital of people borrowing and people don't even realize it, all during lockdown it happened because peoples security weren't on site, they had no schedules, sitting ducks. We were fine, we never not have people, but still. That's what confused the U.K. police when someone tried to snatch my phone, that man had no idea what he'd just done. I'll add it near the bottom. I don't like phone thieves, people depend on their phones for contacts, emergencies etc. He'll never do it again, very doubtful.

I'll share what I'd written about that part. It was during the, trying to put myself there mentally to see what I'd write down. Maybe it will help to understand it. It's not inappropriate, just factual. You can see where it sort of veers off as that anxiety climbs. I learned to do it so I could understand the root causes.

People do tend to know him so it's not too bad. We either know the owners of each venue, or we own and run them ourselves, we don't frequent public venues, we need the discretion. But like I said the boundaries of the world map are small. It's like how I told you The Upper East Side was all I saw in New York and I lived there for a time, I couldn't break those boundaries. The discretion wasn't there outside of those boundaries nor that social circle, it became the whole city to me, just like London, and by extension Paris. It's like the Devs didn't have to build the whole map, I don't see it. It might render in from above as we travel, but I never visit those points of interest. Hence I've never been a tourist. In a way the Devs don't even need to render in the streets either, especially here. We race so fast through traffic that everything is a blur. That's what diplomatic travel is, fast, always fast. Especially now with so man red roads (high risk) I only see our cars in front and behind, we've traveled this way my whole life. If we drive slow in London it's like someone hit slow motion and all of that traffic starts to render in. If I don't refer to those things in such terms I remember it's 'real life' and that anxiety hits even harder. I see it all as render distance. It's a struggle to even type it.

It's easier in a museum, there's so little foot-traffic when we go and I find it easier to get lost in the art. Classical music is Intrinsically linked to task completion, it sort of carries me along, but again it's temporary. That's also why I've seen Phantom of the Opera possibly one hundred times, it's easier to attend the theater if I can use reputation as reinforcement, I know every lyric, word, instrument and sound before it happens meaning it can't be sudden anymore. The auctioneer's hammer during the prologue always used to make me jump but then the more I attended each show the more I knew it was coming, now it doesn't affect me at all, the same for the overture following the auction house opening where you can feel the building vibrate when that hits. I'm due another Phantom top-up, soon.

I can't do that with outside, everything and everyone is a series of passing random events. I don't know who each person is, what their intentions are, what they might be thinking, or what they are capable of. Or why there needs to be so many lights for everything, or so much sound, and all at once. I build that same city in Minecraft and all I hear is Vivaldi, there's no one on those streets or traffic, it's quiet and peaceful. In real life you can't just pause, rewind and learn the pattern. Which is honestly terrifying. I don't know how you do it. I didn't even understand why people walked on both directions on both sides, I thought pathways were like roads, one way. I thought they had speed limits too. I'm anxious even thinking about it. And to think people do that every day, they walk by all of those other people, you might even. And that's above ground, the London Underground is full of people too. I've built that to scale too and it's quiet down there. There are no actual trains because it's Minecraft but I can walk miles across the city safely because I built it and I know I'm the only one there. I don't need the outside when I can build it then go there safely. It takes a couple of years of course but I have the time to do it right. It stays day-time in my city too.

You could call it agoraphobia but there are too many contributing factors to limit what happens, and there's the other reason for security, that's normal, it comes with the life/wealth. People always want what others have and when you have too much, risk level increases substantially. I'll give you a better idea of a figure on Discord. It related to my last friend who tried to get me to buy him a house, it didn't end well. But such is life, I'll show you the conversation on Discord you'll understand why friends aren't a thing anymore. After him I was done, every account went under prior authorization, so technically I can't get swindled by friendship again but still he was number thirty two. I see no thirty three in my future. I keep friend sheets, copies of when those friendships went the way they do, his was wall to wall profanity. I can only Discord it. The things he said were, really bad.

Once those walls do start to expand I have to leave and we go fast. Whomever is with me understands the signs, we have hand signals, grips etc. If I don't my heart starts to speed-up and once the dizziness sets in my legs and everything else go with it. That's what happened when I tried that grocery store, it wasn't even that big or busy, it was just impossible. I don't even know how people handle that much choice, how do you choose between one of hundred chocolate bars or one of fifty packets of potato chips. And even if you have a favorite how do you know, wouldn't it mean you already tried the other forty nine. And then I'd wonder what happens if they stop manufacturing or stockpiling your favorite, you'd have to go through them all over again to find a new one. Beverages too, there's easily one hundred sodas, you'd die from all of the sugar before you found that right one.

I don't know how you do one day. I'm assuming you wake up, decide what to wear, decide breakfast, then do things, decide lunch, do more things, decide dinner wear if you even do that, decide dinner, do you actually cook your own food? or is take-out and things? do you have dessert every day or just on the weekends? then you have to decide what to wear for bed then do it all over again, for forever. Then what happens if you have a job? I imagine Is it just a set routine like Clerks or Clerks 2 or even Empire Records. Or The Office, that wouldn't be too bad, I like Michael.

(that cluster of questions happened when I tried to put myself mentally out there, you don't have to answer any of them. I'm sort of seeing it as an observer too)

That was also me trying to explain what's known as a broken brain reward system. I can't mentally choose for myself, I do it by proxy. I'll explain it better on Discord. Control isn't forced in my life, it's a survival tool. I hit a brick-wall when I try to choose for myself. Hence I tend to only play Plus+ games now, Sony chooses for me. That's the lightest part of it, obviously there's more related to choice and without my Partner I don't have that proxy ability to choose, if you can't choose you can't function.

How do you even decide what food you like? did someone teach you how to cook? or do people just randomly learn through experimentation, what happens if you can't sleep and didn't sleep but have a job, do you have to still go? How do you even decide to sleep if you have no bedtime, do you just pick one yourself? what happens if you lose your keys and can't get into your home because only you live there but you have no proof because it's inside? if you see a cat that looks homeless can you just take it home, or do people frown on that? if you use a bus do you have to tell the driver to stop or do they just know already? what happens if you have to go to hospital but if you have no money, is it free? Is it true that rent is free? someone told me that before but it didn't make sense. Do strangers ever just walk up to you and start conversations? how do you even meet people if you don't know them by association, just walk into places and introduce yourself? are homeless animals free? or is there some kind of limit? how do you feel safe at night without weapons or do you just not worry about it? How do you know when you need to take a vacation, do you just one day feel some kind of fatigue and decide you need to fly somewhere else. Do people answer the door if they aren't expecting someone or is that dangerous? do people really walk around outside all night or is there just some agreed hour where it's not safe out there?

How do you actually get a job, do they ask for proof of school and what if you were home schooled, then you can't? if you get lost walking around do you just ask someone, or is that weird? do you actually go on vacation if you don't speak the language? I've only not spoken the language in Japan and parts of Asia, we just stared smiling at each other for ages. What's stopping you from just eating chocolate for lunch instead of a salad, or alcohol how do you even know when to start or stop? Is that why people get drunk? It's not true that soda is drugs for children? my Mum always said it was. Did you pick boyfriends or did your parents do it for you? did your parents let you outside as a child or is that not a thing for you too? Did you have to wait for your parents to talk to you first or could you just start conversations, what did you even talk about? If you want to get married do you need their permission or is that not a thing for you? what's normal breakfast to you? was school just lessons all day or did you do anything else there? how often do you think you cross the street? or do you just not need to. Do you change shoes for things like that, if you know you'll be walking around a lot? If your parents were there all the time what did they do all day, didn't they get bored of being at home, do you? Have you used a taxi before, did the driver just start talking to you or did you have to start the conversation? do you have a set amount of money per day, per week or per month? what happens if you spend it all? do you set aside outfits for each day or randomly mix and match when you wake up?

It seems like everything you do must be choice but surely it's somewhat on auto-pilot too or maybe you keep a list then repeat your purchases and actions. I have a million questions sorry.

That same head hurt you feel trying to figure me out, I feel that trying to figure you out. I'm not being rude, I just struggle to put myself in your shoes. Even if they are very nice shoes. I don't know what people do out there, only through TV shows and some movies.

I don't know how you live out there, I can't imagine waking up some day and someone opening the door and saying 'you must go out there now and live' is that even what happens? Or do you one day decide you want to do it, why do you do it? I always thought people live with their parents then when their parents pass they make a Family and then they repeat the process. It seems to be a lot more complicated than that, or is it like me where they send you somewhere else to live. Is there just something that makes you want to be out there? is it just to make money so you can buy clothes, games etc? or is there a major factor I'm missing.

I see Control as survival, my mind can't cope without it. I can socialize when he's by my side and we have those controls in place. The contributing factors have to be present and operating in unison or I can't be there.

Sometimes I think I should just bring a box with me like in Metal Gear Solid and see if that works. I've tried it before at home but my Partner always tell me to get out and relinquish said box, he doesn't like it. I think that's why cats like boxes too, they probably feel safe in there. (chunk missing, Discord some time) It's part of knowing how to prevent things. It's prevention not detention. Then adapting them to life. I call it prevention, security is prevention too. Understanding psychology helps my Partner to prevent many things.

There was this too (I've sliced out what surely must be appropriate material)

You could call it sheltered.

I heard the police use that word when they questioned me. Someone tried to grab my phone, I wasn't alone, obviously (chunk missing I.E. don't steal peoples phones) The police came, put me in a car and asked questions like 'who even are you?', I had no I.D., just diplomatic papers etc. The only I.D. or paperwork I have is what my Family issue, I don't think I've ever had I.D. of any kind. What do you have to carry with you in-terms of daily paperwork? What do you need it for? U.K. Police need reasonable suspicion, that (censored, don't steal peoples phones) but they can't stop you and ask for paperwork?

I probably have papers for driving, that's just track days, I never even thought to ask. So you can see why those police were getting no where. I tried to explain that I was jet-lagged but they were asking me if I didn't have I.D. then how did I enter the country. We have no check-in for travel like you know it, my passport control is automatic. And so I had no I.D. or anything like that. Travel is covered by Someone in advance. Our air-crew need one hour for notice/flight checks then we are in the air and gone. That's how I had one hours notice myself for 'wake up we're going to Japan', I boarded that flight in my pyjamas, I was still half asleep. I've slept during most trips, and the notice is sometimes that short. I told you that what you see as luxury, I see as jet-lagged and tiredness? this is why. It flips your idea of time around. I think I learned to tell the time around age sixteen, I didn't need it for anything, the months of the year were around age eighteen. That's weird? but again what did I need them for. I still have to perfect the twenty four clock.

I could end up somewhere tomorrow too. It happens often when a new games releases, I'm excited to finally play it, then, no we must leave. it's just part of life. Sometimes I'll have notice the night before, but not always. I don't know what my Partners business is but he needs to travel, which means I need to travel. Amber said she knows months in advance, that almost knocked me over. I told her I know an hour in advance, that knocked her over too. That's what I mean by falling asleep in a car and waking up halfway across Europe. That might sound luxurious but you see it as a vacation, it never is. I've never been a tourist, I wouldn't even know how to do it. It's one room to the next, I don't go outside there either unless it's a private restaurant or private residence. It's like if you woke up and walked from one room to the next, picked up a book and sat on the floor to read it. My mind sees it no differently, when there is a view or city-scape my mind sees it as a screen-saver. I see cars as render distance, air travel too, places render in but I'll never see them in person so the developers don't have to finish the map.

They asked for my address too, I started listing them off, I didn't know that people only have one or two. Then I started asking them questions like why did you take paper out from under your hat don't you have a better place for your documents, how do your police lights work because we use police lights too but we're not police, I asked if they had children, what each button in the car did, could anyone join the police, if they ever just used the sirens for fun, just so many questions, I was very curious. I'd just moved to London, it was another planet. My embassy representee arrived soon after, cleared it all up, they arrested that man, an apology was issued and if there were a court day it was done through someone else too. I doubt he tried to steal another phone again. When they were leaving I heard one of them say I was really sheltered, I didn't know the word. I have exceptional hearing because I sit quietly for many hours a day, I heard that word, checked in my Dictionary and they were right. I adopted that word, I see it as a very realistic representation of how I understand the outside world. My record for a busy London street is two minutes, then I have to get back into a car or a store. So instead I build the same street on Minecraft and live there.

But I do think I'd probably last longer than the average person with the walls closing in because I've already been there. The only thing there I can't imagine is being completely cut off. Being online was basically my lifeline there and kept me even a miniscule of sane amongst all of my issues.

• That's why I bend and break rules to get on the internet. What you said about a lifeline, I had no friends, then one day I did, now I don't because they were the wrong friends.

because a whole year without much in the way of social interaction or seeing the outside... I can't imagine I'd make that.

• Seeing the outside, I was I think ten years old the first time I was outside. As in not in the district we lived in, I'd visit relatives of course but we all live very closely together. That was the first time I saw nature etc but I can only tell you about it on Discord. I still see it as good memories, regardless. I'm not sure about social, I'm still trying to figure that part out. If this is being social then, that's good.

I think it helped that I didn't know the months of the year, or the time, so there was no real passage of time, if that even makes sense. I know time exists to you, I don't really experience it the same way. I had sixteen years of no time,. I had some in the music industry but that wasn't real. They Truman Showed me, so I quit. The person who helped me set up this website account, they also helped me see that truth in that job. I thought I was with a certain company, they asked some other people, I was apparently authorized by the ticket vendor. They lied to me for over a year, I followed time then because covering shows was a schedule. Every email I'd sent went no where. I found out when that person friended me at a show, emailed me some of their work (I was getting them credentials for a music festival) they said they'd sent the pictures, nothing, so they tried again and again nothing. What do you even say to that. It was very recent, months ago. I stopped listening to Metal after that, until Ravix mentioned Underoath that night, then I started again. I liked what I was doing but the word you mentioned the nepotism, ruined it.

I often joke with my roommate about how I'd be a monster if I had any real power over people. I don't think I'd actually be, because I hope I'd feel too bad, but I do genuinely believe that the risk would be there.

• That's what keeps me awake at night. One day I will, and depending on what I learn from real people, determines many other things. At the moment I delegate through Someone else, it's not abdication. But you understand some other elements, maybe you see why they are there. The world isn't getting any better, I can't do what Andy did. There is no walking away, I'm not sure what the future will be. But in two weeks everything I thought was 'right', I began to question it, everything but you. Then I saw my lack of understanding of what's appropriate and I questioned if I'm wasting my time trying to fight it.

It just takes more and more strength the more power it will bring you. And would I be strong enough to reject that like Andy did? I am not sure.

• Ditto.

Does someone find themselves deserving of something they've never had? In their fantasy, should they have it? In that case, they might feel something close to what missing something really is. But I don't think it can ever really be the same.

• I'll show you the things that person wanted, on Discord. You can tell me if it was too much. It was more than the person who tried to defraud my domestic violence charity. Much more.

And no, I don't think the messages you shared read in any way as a goodbye. I'm sure that was entirely intentional and carefully thought through as well. Maybe the emojis were unusual like you said, but there would've been no reason for you to think that's what was happening at that exact moment. I don't think there's a hidden message there you can try to understand, even if it would help you with some sort of closure.

• Amber said almost the exact same thing word for word. Thanks.

And yeah, my tag is: lineliar. I mentioned it before, but I think you might have read over it or not realised that's what I was saying.

• Sorry I didn't realize, I sent a request after Discord needed to make me pick out cleaning products for verification. I failed them and had to retry. Imagine if they asked me how you boil water, obviously in a kettle but I don't even know how hot it needs to be for tea. I'm waiting on Tea Simulator PS5. If it has an orange cat in the window frame then I added the right person, mine has a picture I took in the hall, Amber A.I.'d a picture on top for me. I can switch it when I'm sure I added the right person. Yours if it says 2017, I asked for 2017 too, so we're matching. I thought you said your thought process was linear

(edit, I see you, I'm jumping browsers again) If this gets removed I'll notepad paste it to Discord.

Here's Code Violet, all four glorious hours of it..... Yeah I knew it was going to be a red flag but after seeing this, oh boy.

@Oram77 Gooners are gonna goon, no matter what.

@JohnnyShoulder And we are left with.

I can't unsee that similarity.

@GirlVersusGame I love your Fox art, it's very good, I saw one walking on my street the other morning on my way to work, quite a site seeing a fox in the snow.

@GirlVersusGame Is that supposed to be Snake from Metal Gear Solid?

@JohnnyShoulder Unfortunately yes, it's the last special edition I ever bought. He was in a jar, and looked just like that. That was on the official store, other people bought it. I gave mine away, he's someone else's problem now.

@GirlVersusGame Oh dear, I hope it wasn't expensive and at least someone is getting some joy from it. There is a long running joke about stuff like that in jars from a podcast I listen to, but it's best not to go there.

The last fancy edition I bought was, yes you guessed it Elden Ring. I don't usually spend that much on tat and trinkets, but as a one off from a developer i've sunk hundreds and hundreds of hours into their games, I thought why not?

@MightyDemon82 I love your Fox art, it's very good, I saw one walking on my street the other morning on my way to work, quite a site seeing a fox in the snow.

• Thank you, that's what years of practicing does. I see them at home all the time and even in London (some how?) I always want to leave food out for them but I'm told it will attract rodents. I want one as a pet, they can't be domesticated (in England) back home we raise wolves, big ones. Technically they can't be domesticated either but we did it and it worked. They never eat me, they are very friendly. If I lived in Scotland where you are I'd spend every night of every day trying to coax every fox in Scotland into my home. I'd try every food known to man until it worked. There are a lot around at Christmas, no Bears. Just the other night I was rounding up things/food to bring outside to them, and got caught, but I tried.

I'm not sure what the glow was, they were very far back. Maybe floodlights. Had I had a proper camera body and my 600mm lens I'd have been able to have see them better. I use that for aircraft, it would work.

Both of those were taken with a 600mm lens. The first one was very high up, I don't have anything bigger than 600mm. 200mm is more of the standard for a telephoto lens. After 600mm I probably couldn't carry it, I use a separate tripod for that one. I have something similar for astronomy, I like to see the moon sometimes but haven't really gotten into photographing it. There's not much else up there to see. The most interesting aircraft I see above London are Apaches, you don't want to aim a massive lens at those, it looks like something else. I was told not to do it again.

Those two pictures are pre-conflict.

Examples from some years back, somewhere in Europe. I've also used 600mms to photograph things like special forces (Europe too) doing maneuvers and routines. You can't get too close because, you aren't allowed to see their faces, and the backwash from the helicopter will pin you to the ground. I've photographed Formula 1 too, that might have been the fastest thing I've ever tried to photograph. You hear them, prepare to get the shot and they are gone before you know it but the drivers are friendly at least. One day maybe I'll get to photograph a rocket launch, it's possible if you go to Baikonur Cosmodrome. The next manned launch is next month, it's a MS-33 cargo spacecraft. They bring supplies to the International Space Station. Sort of like you and your bread and milk in the snow, but space.

It's possible to see that Space Station from Earth with a 600mm, I haven't yet. 1000mm is what you'd need for actual detail, I'd have to switch to Canon for that. And even then I'd probably see nothing. I'd be happy just having the fox either way, I don't really involve myself in photography anymore. I've seen some people on here that do and really liked the results. It's a more unique perspective and a very rewarding hobby but everything is outside. Unless I built a lens as large as Gerard Bulls Super Gun. He was an engineer from Canada who built one hundred and fifty meter long artillery. He was responsible for Project HARP too, if he'd built me I lens like that I'd see your kitchen from here. I'm not even sure which part of Scotland I was in, there was nothing there, hills, then just nothing. The Highlands maybe.

The only thing that stood out were the noises at night, I was told it was Deer. That sounded like no Deer I've heard before, maybe you'd be more familiar with noises in the night? I could hear it but see nothing, unless it echoed through the hills. It almost sounded like screaming, no one else was phased by it. I lay in bed every night thinking, whatever that is better not come in here. I don't know what time of year men go fishing, it was that time of year. I can't even remember what I did up there, that might be when I threw someones rifle in a lake. They were going to hunt something, not after that they weren't. It's probably still down there like excalibur, where it belongs.

@JohnnyShoulder Oh dear, I hope it wasn't expensive and at least someone is getting some joy from it.

• Probably charity, that's what I tend to do with games and things now after I've played them. If you've heard of Oxfam, they accept pretty much anything. They work a lot with poverty too, one of the best in England I'd say. People need them now more than ever. I found them after PETA, I lasted one week in PETA. Maybe less, a difference of opinion. Oxfam aren't like that, they are very professional.

There is a long running joke about stuff like that in jars from a podcast I listen to, but it's best not to go there.

• This is what Jars means to me, if you know them.

The last fancy edition I bought was, yes you guessed it Elden Ring. I don't usually spend that much on tat and trinkets, but as a one off from a developer i've sunk hundreds and hundreds of hours into their games, I thought why not?

• If it means something to you then that's what matters, especially if you earned it. I did guess Elden Ring though. I considered that Xbox game with cat plush (it was on here maybe this week) then I looked closer and realized it's the exact same one I bought off the Bethesda store two years ago. They included old stock with the special edition, it's identical, same measurements too. They probably stopped making them, then started again for the special edition. They were all over eBay for a year.