Topic: The Chit Chat Thread

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@Tjuz I'll tell you something about the whole ''blind to colour'' saying. That's actually quite controversial nowadays, because people will argue that they don't want you to be blind to their race.

• I don't understand their culture, but I don't understand yours either and you are quite white even with what looked like pan-stik. I understand my culture, but only because I have no experience/exposure to yours either.

The same Woman I mentioned before, in Finishing School we call them the Director/Madame. She was racist and held certain views. Ones she tried to instill in me. That girl who was terminated was of colour, I'm sure she was made an example of and that my making my own bed and buying her a phone weren't reason enough. We're in Paris now, not with her Family but I have seen her since. I just know she treated people not of colour better, or it's because they were men and she didn't mind me talking to them because she didn't want me liking other girls (anti-gay too?) I don't even know what you call that.

I did have cultural awareness lessons. Although that's complicated too because by awareness I don't mean history, I mean business. Awareness to you means something differently, you are aware of reasons for acceptance, about current happenings in the world and those happenings influence overall awareness.

You are living in the world, if something happens out there you essentially or eventually will find out. It allows you to stay aware and educated, which sounds like a boon, but also overwhelming if things are really in that much of a complex flux. I don't know what's acceptable or appropriate, it took me three weeks to even write to you privately. I kept going back on forth on certain things and there was no one to ask for a second opinion because I wasn't supposed to be having that conversation with you in the first place.

My cultural awareness classes were similar to my ethics and moral classes, they weren't specific to any other culture but my own. In plain English it was to reinforce the rules and expected behavior that was already present, similar to a training manual for a puppy. It made sense at the time, I wasn't thinking for myself. But that's complicated too because you didn't have wardrobe management classes, I did. Which is ironic considering he chooses everything I wear, which I prefer. I'm not saying it was a waste of time, actual school just sounds better but even then I question that too because I'm convinced you need to live in the world to understand it and a curriculum no matter how good will always have limits and perhaps bias.

Cultural awareness lessons are more related to business. Example, a couple of nights ago I was entertaining company. He wasn't of my culture, but I'd learned enough to follow the conversation/etc, that's essentially why I had those classes. It wasn't to learn about racism, poverty or racial injustice, I've had to quietly learn those on my own. My Partner doesn't mind me learning about poverty, he understands philanthropy, but if he knew I was conversing with someone about gender/race? He wouldn't be too pleased and it's not because he's a bigot or a racist, he knows I'd overwhelm myself, then overload myself and blue-screen. All of those somethings/labels feel like a whole other language and the only textbook seems like real world experience, so thank you for sharing yours.

That school was not academic, and off the record I think certain institutions like that do operate on location bias. The person who brought tea a while ago was of colour, in London they were white. That to me is location bias. Households here hire people of a certain race and I think it's to take advantage of wages. I technically live here too, but that's complicated. There are questions I can't ask. When I say I'm old world and traditional I mean my own what you called circle, we have our own views, customs, rules. I don't live in 2025, I live maybe in the 1950s at best and by traditional I mean a feminists worse nightmare, which is fine because their idea of a perfect world is equally as terrifying to me. That Director's idea of old world and traditional was more exclusive, I try to be inclusive, as I said before we don't discriminate, business is business. The person I mentioned to you on Discord, my time with him erased a lot of what she had been trying to instill.

He showed me something different, which is why I shared what I did with you about him. It was more than just sailing and drives in the country-side, I think he helped to dilute a lot of what were current teachings at the time. He used my name, others didn't, he was the exception. He wasn't racist, I'm sure he saw colour, I was probably too young to pick up on what Adults thought about race/colour unless they went out of their way to tell me directly and I was swept up in something else, I think the heart easily overpowers the mind. I'll look find another word for blind to colour. Cats see colour differently, maybe I'll start there.

It's a bit hard to put into words, but I think that's the gist of it. As a white man, I have no real horse in this race.

• Not to be insulting but when you said man I forgot that part, I wasn't focused on your gender, you have qualities of both and I mean that in a good way. I think perhaps you are tuned in or clued into something that keeps you up to date on things as they change. It gives you a kind of early warning system, but I don't think you need one either. It may be other elements too. I've always lived under propaganda, it hasn't made me cold, but it does add confusion. I often come back to this one video as a soft example. Your Mum probably sends you cook-book recipes, mine sends me things I can't even discuss.

You see this as propaganda. I see it as confusion and I've lived in America but as I said before it doesn't matter where you live if you don't have exposure to that culture or society. I should be able to see through that video I've seen it and so many more so many times and meet a kind of wall. I don't know which parts are real and which aren't, it might be because humor is injected.

As for the fact that the black demographic is represented on this new rainbow flag... I think it's mostly because this flag came up in the time of Black Lives Matter.

• I saw 'Black Lives Matter' on a wall in Spiderman and my answer was 'every life matters', that's how aware I was of that movement. It wasn't ignorance, just an honest reaction. I don't know what happened in America with that movement, everything that happens in America might as well be happening on a far off exo-planet. I see words and hints in the comments sections of articles here and 'what on Earth are they even talking about'.

Ha, it's funny that the rainbow flag was explained to you as being related to the Care Bears. I loved those little bears when I was a kid!

• I think she defaulted to the first thing that came to mind, I liked The Care Bears but I took 'care' out of that exchange as in 'it means to be colourful and care about someone'. Which isn't far off the truth.

I had one of their movies on repeat... which was one of the early, low-budget 3D animation films they'd make that I'm sure would give me nightmares looking back at it now.

• They are actually comforting. I tried the Simpsons over the last couple of weeks, some were good, some bad, it was a lot more fast moving and current (for the time it was set)

But yeah, even living in a very diverse city like Berlin, I don't see the rainbow flag around all that much. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing either. It's nice to see it on certain establishments just to know before coming in you're going to walk into a safe space

• As a symbol, I can understand that. The fact it's needed on an establishment? I'm not sure how to feel about that, all space should be safe. In Berlin/Europe at least, obviously Russia isn't. The same for England it too should be safe by default. I think I just see Russia as a different world to Europe and in many ways it is, people never really understood that until more recently. Someone like me has always been cut off, disconnection by design, but gay people fleeing? That's different. Had it not happened with my friend I'd not have known.

I think I would have had a chance to pull rank and see things for myself had things not gone the way they did, I may have even had a chance to discuss these things offline. Now it's all illegal and extremist, on-top of that the symbol I'm required to adopt is seen as something else in other places. I'd like to have met someone like you four or five years ago when things weren't as cluttered, technically I did know someone like you back then but we didn't discuss these things. I just know I'd prefer a world with colour than without.

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@Tjuz It sucks that you've had to watch people choose the wrong path over and over again first-hand, but I'm happy that you chose to question that and not just go along for the ride as that woman might have wanted.

• Which to me is really strange that even back then I did question anything. I think the difference was that I saw someone else in a bad situation and then said something, if and when it's the other way around I say nothing. At Christmas you called it a kind of inability to self-empathize, if it happened to you I'd say something and I think that's what it must have been. There's something there that makes it hard for me to see people hurt or put down. I think to be able to assume certain roles in my world you have to be a kind of ruthless, I call it walking over people and I don't have that hence my situation.

The fact that you've chosen to seek that knowledge out for yourself in a life where that's in no way expected (or harmful to you if you hadn't) says a lot about your character. I'm sure the culture clash of it all does overwhelm you at times, especially with this site being one of your few main outlets

Thank you and you're right it does overwhelm but I have to do something. It's like knowing there's a planet with intelligent life and you have the ability to communicate with it secretly and it might be strange/loud but it holds answers. I'm not calling you an alien, maybe it's the other way around. It's actually the only outlet right now. I didn't know my Discord accounts had shared access, I did something wrong apparently (I still don't know what but said I did know) and she removed my access on two of them and left me the other one because she thought I'd been talking to you. I was told I'll get them back if I take time off. Amber has a strange way of showing she cares, but it is what it is.

It works because my Partner said I need to take time off too, not from him, from jumping time-zones, everything else still stands obviously. We we're supposed to stay in Moscow for Easter it's a really big holiday on our calendar but I noticed I was forgetting a lot of things so we did a memory test for things that happened over the previous week and I got it all wrong. Then we did a month one to see if I remembered where we'd been, I thought it was four countries, it was six. That lead to having to go outside for air and after that he went straight to my Parents and said my jet-lag had gone chronic and that we had to leave right now. Which is when we both found out something, apparently my Mum had chosen Easter next week to re-baptize me under Church and State, that didn't go down well, obviously it's his choice to make not hers. It would be fine if it was Church as in God, but she said State and that means something else. Either way he said no, took me and left. I'd been given CDs and things, he threw them away. It's not that he himself isn't Patriotic, he wants my mind to focus on other things not propaganda. Being honest I can't see through it anymore, I tried for years, recently something just sort of caved in. War seems to be everywhere we go, either I see it or hear it. I don't know what's going on out there, it's loud.

Now we're back in London, my tutors were called off, lessons called off, he's moved operations until he's satisfied that my internal clock/etc has swung back into alignment. I have to game during the day, which is really odd when I usually do it from midnight until about three in the AM. I stared at the home screen for a few hours and turned it off. I wasn't going to say anything but I kept seeing posts on here and 'when did I write that?', for the previous years I'd have no way to track something like that, days/weeks/months don't register, but the posts did, I knew it was me who made them. He thinks what happened that first weekend in the UAE has something to do with it too, we were there when all of that started.

To change the subject though because I'm not to think about war.

And this is probably not a gender thing? but have you ever heard of Therians and Otherkins? I ask because Ravix told me that I asked a question last week (I can't find it) and I was looking for the English description. He said I was describing pet play, which maybe I was but I think I was just describing a normal day and then I realized he thought it was an Adult thing, but to me it's not so I cleared that up fast. He then mentioned those people and I'd never heard of them before. I did some reading and wasn't sure if I was insensitive for not understanding that someone can have the soul of a dragon if dragons aren't real, is that wrong? If you told me you were a different gender inside it wouldn't phase me, but if you said you were a plant inside I'd have no words. I read about plant people too. What does a plant do? maybe take many showers. I know what a cat or a puppy does, there's animation there obviously, I can relate and do.

Then I read about phantom limbs. Apparently a unicorn one feels an invisible horn and my mind couldn't compute that. I feel cat ears when I wear a pair but if I take them off I feel hair. I can look at my hand, he can call that a paw but I see a hand with fingers. I've been thinking about it ever since Ravix mentioned both. You know some things that we discussed in private and my understanding is that if someone else installs the DLC then I can't be those other categories. It sounded like it was a soul thing, even past-lives and honestly it made my head hurt and now I'm not sure if that's ignorance or it's just something so outside of my normal that there's a block there. If you said 'kat inside I'm a different age', that I can compute and I'd have a reference point because at one point I was that age too. But I've never been a unicorn, or a dragon, elf, werewolf and all of those others I read about, so many.

It feels like I'm being a hypocrite because of what you and I did talk about. My understanding was that those people identify with something like that because it's a community thing and a self-discovery thing? and for me it's purpose, companionship and unconditional presence. I had to do the research after realizing that maybe Ravix thought I felt phantom ears or something, I really don't, nor was it the other thing. The internet is useful but I don't think I made any head-way there. I discretely asked my Partner if he knew what the different between a pet and animal was. I didn't tell him why. He gave me a couple of examples and one of them was that in the wild bigger animals eat smaller ones when it's dinner-time, true I'd suppose, and that instead he feeds me when it's dinner-time. None of that applied to Therians or Otherkins. Am I missing something is it an Lbgt thing? You are one of the only people I can ask because you know all of the parts I can't mention, and those parts factor into why I tried to find any kind of familiarity with those other people/animals? and I couldn't.

A long time I was told to never talk to people on the internet if they identified as animals, it was after that man who told me he was quick-sand and would gurgle etc. I was told the animal ones would only confuse what was already there, but I was told things about gay people too and I've talked to you so many times to know that those things are wrong. What I'm asking is am I wrong about Therians and Otherkins? or do you even know what I'm talking about? I don't want to offend one if I ever meet one on here or elsewhere but if they said they had phantom ears and I said I have interchangeable ears maybe I would. Like gender, would it offend someone who was one gender if someone said they could toggle gender by mood. I do toggle things but not gender, or maybe if I see a Therian or Otherkin I just shut-up or run, or both.

It's like if I was at a gay pride and a group of people would be like "all sexualities are equally acceptable"! Well, yes, but that's not the point of this day or this movement.

• This actually makes sense, you mean as a movement it's the message and the message brings awareness that then needs to be adopted by everyone as a whole, but isn't. But the movement/day/event is there to bring attention to that particular kind of needed equality / while not ignoring the others.

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@GirlVersusGame @Tjuz

Honestly, i'm lost. And I think you're thinking about it too deeply at this point, so apologies for setting your mind on this. There was a comment somewhere asking what do people call it when people are inclined to act like animals, meow etc, and I was going to joke, 'well... that is Pet-Play', due to our previous conversations about certain things, but I decided to look up what it might legitimately be called to people outside of that, and found out there were people that identify as animals for whatever reason (probably for comfort or lack of human identity due to either trauma or a disconnect with the human world.) But I think it is most likely a harmless way for people to feel, even if it is something I don't personally understand - when i'm sick of humans I don't personally feel like an animal, I just feel like another sh**ty human. Animals do have a great outlook, though, and are pretty care-free beyond dinner, walkies and playtime. Oh no, that is pets again 🙃 but you know what I mean: There is no politics, no opinions, no worries, just a life lived. I just thought it was worth mentioning that it does seem to be a genuine thing in case it interested you.

And the rest of an earlier reply I wrote, but didn't post, i'll lump in here: I think i'm weird, but I know that I am, like I consciously understand myself, both my positives and my many, many flaws 😁 (and that is what makes me practically perfect haha) but you said there was a man who thinks he's quicksand that wants to gobble up women, and that kind of makes me think... does he understand that he is weird and thus play around with his weirdness, or is he one step away from suffocating people in their bedsheets as he gurgles, before blowing his somethings out against the ceiling? Maybe it is harmless, but i'd be really wary if it seemed like they weren't aware of the weirdness of it. Like, we should all be proud of what makes us unique, 'fluffed' up, weird, obscure, all that, it means we have lived and have had life experiences and are still living, regardless of any ups or downs, and being able to recognise our own quirks is important, I believe, because it is okay to be different 🙂 But yeah... I can only really focus on the quicksand guy you mentioned right now, it has taken over my brain. I wonder if they ever saw the sand guy from spider-man (my recall for actual geeky knowledge is still awful. I played the game with him in only a few weeks ago. I'll name him Marko Sand-erson AKA: the human desert. I think Marko was part of it, at least)

Who knows, maybe you made him up based on that spider-man baddy and you're hoping I work it out. (Again, this is me teasing and being weird 😛) Why wouldn't a man think he's quicksand, haha? Why wouldn't people think they are dragons? People believe all kinds of things, and as long as they aren't a danger to other people who are just minding their own business, so be it. And if they do endanger people, then hopefully the Batmen types will stop them.

So yeah, I guess if you wanted me to legitimately analyse the traits of someone that sends people imagery of women being devoured by quicksand, who then claims he is quicksand, that alone would probably cause my brain to profile them as 'one to watch'. Profiling and judging being totally separate entities, of course. Maybe he was just a weirdo (totally fine) maybe a sexual deviant and that materialised in a sand-based way for some reason? On a personal level, I'd think: gurgle away, my dude, if it makes you happy and doesn't hurt people, so be it. But the very specific case use of them kind of forcing that (i'll call it a fetish, for want of another word) on other people, i'd be wary of, because psychologically it seems like they are saying 'this is what I want to do to people', and the nature of quicksand is that it traps and suffocates people.

I can't believe this is a conversation we're having, either. It is certainly unique.

The other thing that popped into my mind from your previous post was "stupid bloody werewolves". I didn't know the Edward's dad reference, but guessed it would be twighlight and the 'other side' 🧛‍♀️ and that was therefore a funny way to shut them down. And why would anyone want to be bitten by a mangy dog when there are far better options, anyway.

@Tjuz I didn't look into it in that much detail, so the phantom limb thing is new to me. But you already know I have the horn for you, Tjuz 🦄 so feel free to wag your tail in glee as I reinforce that feeling for you with a head pat 😛 also, apologies I kind of noped out of our other conversations a while back. I don't feel very receptive today (this year). Okay, that was an UnderOath reference to end on that you won't get but GvG will. But it fits a social lethargy online.

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@Tjuz That was Amber doing her Momabear thing, she thinks I messed up by getting too close to someone on one of those networks. Some are just really good at getting friendly and unless the others are around I don't see it. It's like what I mentioned before about MrC, that's been forever ago and I still think about him. It's that kind of pull. Even scent, his after-shave is locked in, my ears go up and I scan the room for him. Charm might be the word, they all had that something but he was otherworldly. I'd never been outside before him and he did show me another world, I knew what it looked like because obviously gardens/Disney etc but he showed me so much. I still remember seeing a cow for the first time, then I realized I'd been eating them, I freaked out but he calmed me down. No one had explained that meat was animals, he did. People didn't have to describe anything it wasn't in their job description.

People are on those networks for different reasons, I was on there before the internet. I don't understand the surface web. What I do over there is probably what to you would look like early days of the internet. Chatrooms, this kind of thing, but never alone, there's a group of us and they look out for me. Holidays meant my calendar is one week behind theirs, each one thought I was with the other one, I wasn't I was alone in there. You probably noticed most are American, I chat at night so my people on this end aren't as laser focused. In chat with you when I had to temporarily tab out for hourly checks, that. I really did mess up in the past, I friended all of the wrong people, it was a mess.

I saw a cognitive/memory expert today. I'd seen one before but it was a he, older, and that meant my answers were mechanical and I told him everything he wanted to hear. With her it was different. We sat on the floor and chatted. She asked about hobbies. I thought she was just formal, she wasn't. She'd already been briefed and knew what to ask. She keyed in on Fencing, it's strict, direct, and the most disciplined hobby I've ever had. Violations aren't tolerated etc, if I'd remember anything it would be that. Skating is singular. Fencing also involves an opponent and constant respect. What she'd done is use all of the above to try to test my short-term and long-term memory and it worked.

She mainly works with athletes to help manage sleep cycles, stabilize cognition, so they can maintain peak-performance while bouncing time-zones. We rotate flight crew for that same reason. If someone is given one hour of notice they can't be expected to do what we do. Most have Families. They are humans not machines. I often board in my pajamas because one hour isn't enough for me either, if I'm already awake one hour works fine, if I'm asleep he has to drag me out of bed and pop me in a car.

We did some tests too. He came back into the room for those, a lot of it was sequences of numbers, colours, things to test memory and that wasn't great until he asked if she had anything with animals. She pulled up something on a tablet. Different makes of animals/colours, like an orange cat, and the order would change, I aced that. Spatial awareness too, aced. I couldn't say the alphabet backwards but really who can? Numbers were a miss too, I'm still learning subtraction, we couldn't do anything there. My logical reasoning was quite good, and my focus wasn't until he demonstrated something specific to our dynamic, then she understood. There were a couple of clashes like that and so many of the things that get affected like decision making, weren't there to be begin with.

She said that three time-zones in succession are usually when things start to de-sync, I'd done six in four weeks. But technically I hadn't stopped since November. It was constant. She did say I had one of the worst cases of insomnia that she's ever seen, especially for my age but I'm still functional because it's been there for ten years. I don't know how long you sleep? I do maybe four hours then cat-nap when we're out and about. I also learned that athletes prepare for those drastic time-zone changes by preparing days in advance, I told her I have one hours notice, there's nothing she could suggest for that. She mentioned appetite too, like if you yourself were under chronic jet-lag you'd notice the disruption but I wouldn't because I never have an appetite in the first place. She phrased it as my body won't know when it's dinner-time and I said that's fine I don't know until he says it is.

None of what she diagnosed is permanent, I'm going to see her in a week and then it's business as usual. Also this is kind of funny but happens often enough, I wasn't making much conversation at the start. She was looking around the room to try to find something to talk about and 'oh you have a dog', I followed her eyes and 'uh huh' I'd left things out. We sort of just stared at each other for what felt like minutes and then she started talking about her own pets. I should be okay in a week, I asked for some pictures of her pets when she comes next week so that's something.

A lot of it went over my head, but it didn't seem like my place to jump in there and get involved in what was clearly a private conversation between the two of you!

• It went over my head too which is why I tend to just nod and 'yes', plus I was tired and sort of not there. I'll ask to see the log next week, it will help to see what I did wrong.

I'll admit it made me a bit sad to see the control over you in real-time, but as I don't know the full story and I understand your situation is very different from mine, I'll reserve any judgment.

• You sound like my friend the first time she visited. We'd been friends for a while. Someone met her first and they explained some things. She understood in theory, then we did meet and I think it sunk in. Nothing scared her away and no one could buy her off and I know they tried. She confirmed it. She said what you just did but phrased it differently, I was blind to it. I was with my Ex, that would have been something else. I think people see one side of a dynamic as Adult right? Someone tells you what to do, has total Control over every aspect of your life and it would be intense for a person, but would your cat care? Probably not. They'd be blind to it. Obviously it suits him, he does want a pet. But let me ask you something, that last friend, the one who spent a week insulting me into the ground, the logs I shared. Comparing him to Amber, she's like Mother Mary no? I see it that way.

Crazy that you had no clue yourself you were even planned to get re-baptised. I'd argue that'd be your choice even more so than your mother's or partner's

• You can argue that, I can't. We weren't religious before and she isn't. I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about Ukraine? but for two years I was told we were there because of nazis, I was shown pictures and videos and told 'see? nazis'. I believed it. Last year I was told it's a Holy war, I'm not even allowed to say war. It's SVO, a military operation. Holy because we are protecting our way of life, our people in the region, our borders from Nato who are evil, and some other things like it's for God. The Church is very intermingled with the State. There's a push to bring back Imperial thinking and Religion is part of that. I was raised with Imperial thinking, not Religion. I was only ever shown Hierarchy.

Her focus also includes Religion now. At Christmas (also Holy) I wondered who'd put Z's on my gear for shooting, we do it in the forest for fun and to stay sharp. It was Mum. I found out when pictures showed up on on VK/Russian face book. My Partner went through the roof, she'd used me as propaganda and never asked him or told me. Someone had been using a phone to video the whole time, they acted friendly. He took me and we left early, but I did get to try Christmas in England, which was weird but quiet.

I'm not sure what being baptised by the State specifically means, but I can assume that it's essentially showing your allegiance to your native state.

• That's my understanding too, and it was his. He wants me to stay neutral. My loyalty was questioned at Christmas and I had no answers prepared. Instead I took selfies with soldiers then showed her, that stopped the questions. I don't know how she got those off of my phone, they ended up online too. He was livid. Soldiers are hero worship now, young men want to be them and young women want to be with them. I try to understand by listening to the music, I've used music forever to understand certain things. Now all Russian music is this, and if not the person is maybe arrested or flees.

Though admittedly, I think I would fail a memory test such as that even without jet lag to sabotage me.

• Me too by default, I have some mental exercises to do now that should help.

I'm trying to think what I was going to say about the Therian Otherkins thing. I hit such a mental wall when trying to understand/compare certain aspects.

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@Ravix Honestly, i'm lost. And I think you're thinking about it too deeply at this point

(I have to do a 1 to 2 thing, it's four in the AM) I sneaked out of bed to hit post and I can already tell it won't fit in just a 1, I started earlier today/or evening, hopefully no typos)

• Affirmative, Imagine if you spent your whole life being the colour blue, and everyone around you was red. One day someone says 'look at these blue people, they are Smurfs, Aliens from that Eiffel 65 song, the blue M&M man, and Cookie Monster' you might think, oh I'm blue too, which one am I and why?

so apologies for setting your mind on this.

• it's fine really. I was staring into space for a week and no one noticed. You gave me a reason to think. I wrote this down over the weekend while trying to put pet space into words: 'it's sort of like seeing twinkling lights around you and each one slowly dims and then goes out, only they aren't lights, they are thoughts. There's a kind of pull like minor water movement gently pushing a vessel away from the marina, it slowly takes me, there are brief glimpses of land/people and conversation/glasses tinkling, then nothing just calm blue waters'.

people that identify as animals for whatever reason (probably for comfort or lack of human identity due to either trauma or a disconnect with the human world.) But I think it is most likely a harmless way for people to feel,

• I can say yes Ravix is human but if I swing that mirror around I don't see that same thing and that for me is really weird because I physically can see those qualities but mentally I see a massive discrepancy, it's there because Someone else had years to reinforce that thinking. I went from nothing to something with that Person. They were good to me.

Therians and Otherkins had soul/past-lives to explain theirs, I had something completely different. The people in my world who do go mew/af etc, do it for Adult reasons. It's sort of like Politics? by the Company I keep you'd think I was a hard liner for the State or a Communist or an Ultra Capitalist, but if you talked to me you'd see otherwise. They don't talk to me, they talk at me. Times like tonight are a day out for me, for Him it's a display of Power, his Ego needs it and we rarely stay in, only to host ourselves. For those other people it's all temporary, they return to normality which is usually a high profile job and why I said 24/7 is an extreme rarity and for a pet practically non-existent, something has to go very wrong for someone to need this 24/7. I asked my girlfriend about that over the weekend, I wondered why she was so strongly opposed to it, and that's as a Person who would benefit by having their own someone to meet their needs all day long. Which sounds appealing right? Not to her. I wrote something, I'll find it later. I needed that Other perspective.

when i'm sick of humans I don't personally feel like an animal, I just feel like another sh**ty human.

• When my Partner is sick of humans I just toggle and his day or evening brightens. Then he slowly tolerates people again. My Ex tolerated nothing, everything he had he took like a Viking Chief, that part of the world operated raw. I couldn't soften his heart, he had none. With my Partner it might be a 'leave it and go' if someone brings tea, then they make themselves scarce. He doesn't have that same hardness around me. He wants peace, a drink, and little else.

I use those same skills to brighten other peoples days too, like that Lady who brings all the plush etc, life for her is stressful. The first time I met her at a party she had a horsey one for me that you push and it goes neigh, I had no idea who she was but she'd heard about me and was dying to play fetch etc so she came prepared, which is funny to me. I'd never seen an Adult that excited before. She does live that dynamic but she can be softer with me without judgement from the Others and there's a lot of judgement in our Society. A kind of constant dance to maintain Ego. People use the word Elite for a reason. It's not just a different way of living, the trinkets etc, it's a different way of thinking. We have a totem-pole style of Hierarchy and pets are at the bottom, there's no judgement there, I'd have to be seen as a person to be judged for my actions. It's the Others that judge themselves. If she plays with an actual puppy 'She's soft and not Professional'. If she plays with me 'very acceptable'. Hence the totem-pole. I watch her stress lift and all we do is play, then dinner, drinks, etc. Life continues a little happier for her and then I feel that happiness myself.

Animals do have a great outlook, though, and are pretty care-free beyond dinner, walkies and playtime. Oh no, that is pets again 🙃 but you know what I mean: There is no politics, no opinions, no worries, just a life lived.

• I call all of that normal life and everything you said is correct. It's simple, time doesn't exist, days neither, it's been nine years now since I saw or held money, seven for seeing Western TV news. I didn't know what Covid was until I caught it, I'm sure there was another global event? but I forget what it was, the longest I stood on a busy London street was two minutes and we exfiltrated fast, I still don't know what people do out there. You have a puppy yourself and do you think they know either? You turn the lights on and sun comes out, he's my sun/moon/stars/universe. There's no opinion because he never asks for one, no worries, no decisions to make, just his needs to meet and unconditional companionship which comes naturally. There's room for learning, tutors, books, I requested those.

The other-side of that coin there was my Ex. I requested to learn to tell the time and 'no' then he'd take my PS5 because 'you can't manage your time', how if I can't tell it?' so he got those squeeks for two weeks straight day and night until like I said he had to cut them out of each toy and threw them out a window. Then I got my PS5 back. That was a long two weeks for him, not for me, he had a track of time and I didn't. I know it was two weeks because my friend kept count.

It has to be with the right person and those People are so rare. My very first was good, he installed all the DLCs of mew/af etc. The second was good, he used the DLC to bring me back online when the system crashed. The third was basically what E.A. is to gaming, he almost broke my system completely and then went Maroon 5 trying to get me back. And now number four is carefully installing patches and performing constant system maintenance through psychology, therapy, and genuine care.

Anyone can end up with a Psychopath, I know so many of them. They use the Hare Psychopathy Checklist on Wall-street for a reason, Corporations want that personality type. My Family use a different method but they are Psychopaths too. The difference is when the person they are caring for becomes a non-entity in their eyes. My Ex being a Sadist didn't help either. Not all Dominants are Sadists (they are a minority) but all Sadists are Dominant, and quite dangerous. So while it can be a care-free way to live, with play-time, treats, praise and walkies etc. One must question what kind of a Man would want to Own someone, and then add dehumanization to the list. Most in my experience do it for the novelty, to add to their list of shiny things.

but you said there was a man who thinks he's quicksand that wants to gobble up women, and that kind of makes me think

• He was an Adult, I won't say what I was, my memory tells me one thing 'harmless, a friend' but the reality was something else. It's weird because I can say 'it was wrong' then there's a happy nostalgia there too with all of those People and a warmth when it would chill others to the bone. The rest is confusion and an endless repeat of that same question.

But yeah... I can only really focus on the quicksand guy you mentioned right now, it has taken over my brain. I wonder if they ever saw the sand guy from spider-man

• He said it's because when he was younger he watched a movie about the Jungle and a woman scantily clad had gotten eaten by quicksand and like a lot of people that's where their interests develop. I remember the pictures he showed me, very tame, but to him something else. I was given my preferences and now I live them, the Adult side you never see me discuss, that's there too. He's a man, he has other needs and requirements too. Which is why I think games are healthy for that kind of exploration. I'd rather someone learn from Stellar Blade's imagery than how I did. One the clearest memories in my life is being shown certain things and then been told 'tell me what you think tomorrow'. It feels like yesterday, now that imagery is my life.

Maybe he was just a weirdo (totally fine) maybe a sexual deviant and that materialised in a sand-based way for some reason? On a personal level, I'd think: gurgle away, my dude, if it makes you happy and doesn't hurt people, so be it.

• Exactly. If the other person is the legal age then of course get gurgling, I'm the last one to judge. Being different can push people into those darker places and they might not have had bad intentions at the start. Once they are subjected to The Club so to speak they experience a kind of hivemind that enables and amplifies very bad things. And yet I still believe people can change. Naive? maybe.