Topic: The Chit Chat Thread

@Ralizah Really sorry to hear about your mother passing, losing a parent is tough but I’m glad you’ve managed to position yourself mentally somewhere close to acceptance and you have a healthy support network. I suppose I don’t really need to say healing takes time but I will and there will be wobbles so, I’ll echo what others have said and don’t hesitate to reach out on here. When I lost my dad, I found it incredibly difficult to get my head round the grief because I couldn’t quite get over the guilt of burying my head throughout his illness and despite having a strong support network I felt really isolated and lost despite what I thought I was projecting to my wife and child. I think in some way I’ll always carry that with me. I know I’m just an avatar on internet but please accept my sincerest condolences and take care of yourself.

Ha! Before long you'll eventually have a kid staying up all hours of the night, talking back to you and all sorts @Thrillho so good luck!

I'm alright thanks @AgentCooper.

I've actually been away since December myself and only came back a few weeks ago.

We were hosting the Christmas & New Year's parties this year and so I was just quite busy over the Christmas holidays. Plus with me and my partner being primary school teacher's we still had a lot of work to plan for the new term.

I was ready to come back sometime in Jan but my PS4 had kicked the bucket (or so I thought) so I lost all the motivation to post here whatsoever.Thankfully I later learned it was just the hard drive so it was a less pricy proposition then I was thinking.

There's also the strikes over the past month or so and it's just been a little stressful in general.

Other then that though things have been pretty good. Best class of kids I've had for a good while (I teach year 2) and my partner has been filling in as a deputy headmistress. Given her a lot more work but she's risen to the occasion and then some!

@nessisonett Glad to see you are back. This place will surely be better for it.

@Ralizah So sorry to hear of your recent loss. Doubt anything i can say will make things better, it may be a cliche, but allowing the time to grieve is really essential. As is having a good support around you, which sounds like you are sorted in respect.

Without trying to come across like I'm quoting something from a Fast and Furious movies, this place can a have proper family vibe to it. Helps that there are quite a few of us that have stuck around for a few years.

Wanted to split my response to you from the other post I made in the thread. I'm not really sure what to say @Ralizah as there's been some wonderful and heartful responses to this tragic news but I'll try my best.

I'm really sorry to hear what's happened to you and your family Ral.

I know we're only avatars and text on a screen to one another but I've always enjoyed talking with you and hearing how your family is doing from the times you've mentioned them in previous discussions. Whether it's playing games together with your nephew or in regards to your mother. She sounded like one hell of a woman.

It's good to hear you're doing better and that you've got a good support network going to let your emotions out & feel comfortable talking through things. Just don't beat yourself up if you find yourself lapsing and struggling at points as I know how difficult that can be.

I'm not particularly one for divulging too much about myself on here either (Like ralph said worse things happen to better people) so I can understand the reticence of talking about such a thing. I do wonder sometimes if I'm being a bit too... Surface level at times with people I would genuinely consider friends. It's a hard balance to strike.

Sorry if that was a bit of a mess of a response but I hope it conveys my genuine concern and the heartfelt nature of. Like others have said I'm here to lend an ear should you need it Ral.

After sitting here for about half an hour now, I'm not sure what to say, other than that the genuine feeling of community is absolutely what keeps me coming back to Push Square, and I appreciate all of the heartfelt responses. And am so, so sorry for other people here who have had to struggle with the pain of losing a close loved one. It's never easy to talk about, and I appreciate the disclosure.

@AgentCooper The more time goes on, the fewer working digital copies of P.T. are out there in the wild. I'm going to hang onto my PS4 and replay the game annually for as long as possible.

Crazy to think how easily a freely accessible demo became an ultra-rare resource.

@Kidfried I'm generally pretty private, but it felt unfair to keep cryptically alluding to some undefined bad event. Although I agree people need to know and maintain their boundaries. There are things I'd never tell other people, and that's true of everyone.

If nothing else, I'm less inclined to worry about the possibilities awaiting the people I care about now. Because all of the neurotic hand-wringing I did, all of my planning and mental calculations didn't do a thing to protect the people I love. The universe is not in our control.

We all understand that intellectually, but it's a different thing to grok it.

@Kidfried Admittedly that would have been inspired, although I dare say I’m more a Dougie. Alas I’m on a strict no name change policy, which will put @Thrillho at ease. Hope you’re both well 👍

Hi @ralphdibny thanks for the warm welcome back, how are you getting on? I’ve just realised I’m yet to reply to your psn message, my sincere apologies.

@Th3solution Hey Sol good to hear from you, I hope you’re keeping well friend. What’s new for you? In regards to your question, It seems to have been adequately answered in the recommendations thread before I checked my notifications, although I will try and add any additional thoughts. Great game though 👍 take care.

Thanks @HallowMoonshadow and welcome back yourself, I hope your break was as rejuvenating as my own? Glad to hear the ps4 lives to fight another day ✊

I try my hardest to get into the spirit around Christmas, it just never hits like I expect it to, I make sure it works for the kids which is all that matters really. Huge props to doing the hosting, must have been intense.

My eldest son is year 2, it’s a really great age, the balance of excitement for the world, inquisitiveness and attitude is nicely balanced (most of the time) must be really rewarding for you. My son’s class did an assembly about Kenya yesterday in front of the whole school, replete with costumes and fruit props, so bloody cute 😊 Congratulations to your partner, exciting times! How are the strikes playing out then? The most I’ve to put up with is a few days with the boy at home. I can appreciate its been pretty stressful for you lot. I hope it works out well for you all 👍

@Ralizah It’s always hard to know what to say, particularly online, in these situations but I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been going through.

When my sister died a few years ago (before I joined this place) I found it kind of cathartic to write some things out on another forum I use, and have used for a long time, and actually found it more useful talking through it with people I didn’t know “IRL” at times.

But we’re all different and one of the hardest parts of grief is realising everyone will react differently and that can be really difficult and even sometimes quite frustrating at times.

There will always be a hole there but I found it’s about remembering the good times and sometimes it’s silly things that still catch me out. It sounds kind of weird but playing Sonic Origins was quite an emotional thing for me as we played the those games together loads as kids.

So yeah, don’t feel bad about posting or not posting about things and I hope your family are all doing okay.

And sorry to hear about your bereavement too @ralphdibny I hope you’re doing alright too.

@Kidfried Now you officially know your first Martian word.

@AgentCooper I wanted to say that I'm sorry about your dad, and I think having a sense of guilt about how you approach such a situation is natural. For myself, I... couldn't bring myself to be the room when she passed. Other family members took on that burden for me. And even though she wasn't conscious during that process, I did feel guilty, and still do, sort of.

@ralphdibny It hadn't even crossed my mind that the subject might be triggering for people.

Sorry about your grandad. Considering you describe the experience of his passing being "profound," it sounds like you're in a healthy place with regard to that particular loss.

@HallowMoonshadow Everyone has different comfort levels in terms of talking about themselves. Admittedly, the (wonderful) outpouring of support from people on here is a bit awkward for me, since I'm typically someone who emotionally isolates when grieving or processing some sort of uncomfortable emotion (which actually caused some concern a few months ago IRL with some of the people around me; had to sit them down and assure them I wasn't going to "do anything drastic," which was also awkward, lol).

@Thrillho There are a few activities I might just permanently retire now. Toejam & Earl, for example, was her favorite game, and one we played together literally thousands of times. It's a great game, one of my favorites, but I have no idea when or if I'll ever want to revisit it now.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. My own sister is sort of like a second mother to me. I'd be equally gutted if I'd lost her.

@RogerRoger I just know what it's like to be a helpless bystander to the pain of others. It's not that you don't care, but when there's nothing you can do for them, and when you're not sharing their pain, it just becomes a bit uncomfortable, and I don't really want to put others in that position.

And, to be clear, that remains the case, even though I did open up. I just feel like the people I talk to on here deserved some context how I've behaved recently.

By the way, since I have no idea where else I'd post this on the forums: did you, uh, happen to see the announcement about that Sonic the Hedgehog murder-mystery adventure game? April Fool's came a day early, it seems.

@Ralizah I really appreciate that, thank you. It’s been five years and those feelings linger more in the background nowadays, I dwell more on the fact my kids won’t grow up with him, it really cuts me up some days. Opening up on here must have been hard, and again your frustrations, thoughts and emotions will always be received with respect and compassion on here. I filter wildly from bleeding heart candour to heavy introversion so I can appreciate it isn’t always easy. Take care Ral

I just read the BMX man’s how it became a stick club game article. Wild stuff. I will say though, it stated off with stupidity. Making a bike riding game M so you don’t censor swearing in the music is just a stupid idea. How crazy that idea was absolutely opened the flood gate for everything else to go downhill.
Also, some of his rationalizations about Walmart not selling the game was kinda dumb. They sell guns, but strip clubs are a no go.
Yeah, those aren’t comparable. There’s a reason you’d be okay with a kid watching a video where someone shoots a rifle at a target, and not one shot in a strip club.
But still, interesting to see how that game happened.

It's funny ya know, I do feel like I "know" people on here. I mean, obviously I don't know anyone's real name (except @kyleforrester I assume 😂) but most people's personalities (or at least, that which they want to portray) really come across very well in their forum posts and you are no exception Foxy!

People talk about all sorts here, their jobs, where they come from, their family, their gaming tastes etc. I think the only thing that surprises me quite a bit is people's voices if I ever play online with someone (which is not often to be fair) - it's never the voice I used to read their posts in. Read in my head by the way, I am not some weirdo who reads every post out loud while guessing people's accents 😂

But yeah, even if people hold certain parts of their life back here they can be quite candid about other parts and you can sort of paint a picture really, even if it's an incomplete one. I don't know if that's impolite to do but I think it's probably a natural thing that humans do when communicating with eachother.

It's better than family in some ways, well different at least, but in a good way. I think the anonymity helps. I get super embarrassed talking to my actual family about anything personal and even most of my friends. I have got a lot better at it lately but I still need work.

I get that sometimes too, even for little things. I don't even neccesarily worry about people caring though, more that I might just get a negative response. But I am always proven wrong.

Well mostly always 😅, there are a couple moody people on here. I think sometimes the negative responses can seem like the "loudest" though if that makes sense even if they are few and far between. I've certainly belayed a post if certain users are fairly active at the time. It's normally pretty insignificant stuff but I don't always want to be talked down to about something I've just made a passing comment about.

Sounds like you've gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. Hopefully you'll settle on a more balanced POV eventually if that's what you want.

It is so very very tough to balance control and chaos and also to accept and enjoy impermanence (because it can be joyful when you make the most of your time) while also trying to make plans to make your future as comfortable as possible.

I feel like I'm balancing that future planning with impermanence on an almost daily basis at the moment with regards to other things going on in my life. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will settle down in time, one way or another.

Sorry to quote this, I am sure it was tough to write. I know the feeling of guilt is natural but I've talked to a few people since my grandad died and asked them their experiences of being present and they were vastly different from my own...

As I've said, mine was profound and I don't regret it at all. Like it seemed really important for me to be there and to see it happen. Someone else I spoke to about their experience said it made them more misanthropic. Another person told me they regretted being there completely and it was one of the worse experiences of their lives and they will never do it again for anyone else. Another person just wasn't that bothered by it, well that's as much as they told me at least.

So it does seem like its different for everyone and it probably depends on where someone is at in their own life as well, whether they can deal with it or not. I don't think you made the wrong decision though, it sounds like you did what was right for you in that moment and that's all that really matters. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

Thank you, by the way. I certainly thought I was back when it happened! 😅 Like I even spoke about it in my speech at the funeral. How I was able to healthily process the emotions by being in a place in my life where my then state of being hyper emotional allowed me to let it all out.

Well, I've kind of stabilised since then which seems both fortunate and unfortunate. I feel like I'm holding back a lot more now so I can actually function and when I think back to the day he died, I've found myself stifling my tears because the thought comes at an inopportune moment.

I think I need to set aside some more time to properly grieve. But I am a bit too scared to do it alone and to be honest, I have kind of gone back to being embarrassed about being upset in front of people which is kind of annoying. I'm sure something will happen at some point and the moment for tears will come at a better time but who knows.

With regards to the triggering, well I was actually going to write my experience out in detail. I didn't want to forget it and I wanted to see what others thought and hear their experiences. I don't think it's triggering (at least not unfairly so) to mention that somebody has died.

I chose not to write about it here though because as I was forming what I was going to write in my head, I realised that it might actually be quite upsetting for some people. I considered putting it all in spoiler tags with a disclaimer but I just decided not to in the end.

I've spoken to a few people in real life about it though and obviously got their consent to talk about it first so they knew what they were getting into.

Thank you mate, yeah ticking over! I'm sorry to hear about your sister too. I feel the exact same way about posting online. People are there to listen and the anonymity means that your real life isn't affected by people's perceptions of you. I also think people online are just distant enough as well that they don't feel the need to make small talk. Which if you are having a good day and their small talk refers back to a disclosure you made on a bad day, well, that can really put a downer on your good day!

Thank you mate and no worries, my time on both Xbox and PS has been severely cut down for various reasons so I'm not on either much anyway!

Sorry to hear about your dad mate, what I said to Ral above rings true for you too. You handled it in the best way you could at the time and you should never feel shame about that. You might learn from it for future but you did what was right for you and anyone who tries to fault you for it can get stuffed. If you ever need a semi stranger to talk to, just give us a shout on PSN or Xbox and we can try and work something out.

@RogerRoger did you claim the sonic game from steam in the end? I claimed it but I haven't played it yet. Sounds like it's a solid couple of hours of entertainment!

I feel like the April Fools jokes have been quite elaborate this year between a full Sonic visual novel game and Limited Run's GBA Video Cartridge of Night trap. Unfortunately I can't justify dropping £60 on Night Trap for game boy advance right now. I did quite want it but it's too expensive for me right now! Luckily Sonic was free!

@RogerRoger lol you sly dog you, encouraging me to do something creative 😉😀

@ralphdibny I’m wound pretty tight 9 hours of the day, hopefully that doesn’t come across here 😂

I’ve often wondered if any of the Push Square forum regulars are famous people incognito. I’m pretty sure @kyleforrester87 is actually Taylor Swift.

No wonder he is @get2sammyb favourite.

@ralphdibny Appreciate that, and it’s good to hear you working on your own grief in a way that seems right for you. As for those tears, I break down on a semi-regular basis for no apparent reason other than something external has triggered me, and it feels cathartic, I’ve learnt to embrace it as a necessary part of losing a loved one. So yeah in short, I don’t think there is an inopportune moment for it, so let it flow 👍

@kyleforrester87 I was reading your exchanges over on the supporter article and something you said really resonated with me, that the older you’ve gotten, the less sure about anything you are or words to that effect. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and it was nice to see someone else sharing that sentiment, so I appreciate you putting it down in black and white. I’ve found so much more enjoyment from people and life the more I’ve started from a point of assuming I don’t know anything and everything is impermanent , it’s incredibly liberating.