Topic: Goodbye/Vacation Thread

@LieutenantFatman @kyleforrester87 @zupertramp

Thank you.

And yes. I understand. I'm introverted too. And frankly I have no idea what to do. Perhaps you're right. I've just never been in this situation before and I'm not doing well.

Sorry... keep it light lads!

Be well @TheIdleCritic , I can't really imagine what a divorce would be like but I hope you get through it ok. I know it seems like a weird thing to say but even a few posts here and there might help your mental state, if only to keep you connected to someone during this period of isolation for so many of us.

I don't think it's comparable to your situation but even I have felt funny for the last week or so. There's a lot of external factors happening that I think are causing me to regress to an older and less healthy mindset. Mainly the combination of having to drop my partner off at her house (about 2 hours away) so she can go back to work, knowing I probably won't see her until she can work from home again or the pandemic is over and also the fact that I probably will have to go back to work for some days even though the infection rate is at an all time high in London. It's worse at the beginning of the week when I know I could get a call for work but I am hoping I don't (I'm on zero hours so I always have this early week anxiety but it is amplified due to the pandemic).

The reason I said all that is because it doesn't just affect me in real life but it even affects me posting here, the only online community I'm part of (PX and NL included). It sounds weird because I am relatively anonymous here so you'd think I wouldn't care what people think but the constant self doubt and questioning I used to have (and I'm sure many other people deal with, I don't mean this to be a sob story at all) has sort of come back in the last couple of weeks where my life has become less full with less distractions. This extends to my posting and I'm less inclined to post and I occasionally delete posts that I have written out if I felt like I can't get a coherent and acceptable point across.

So what I mean to say is, even if it is reduced to drips and drabs as and when you are inclined, a post here and there can connect you to a community that can offer you support in many ways. I don't necessarily mean advice on your specific situation, though I'm sure people can relate. But an off hand conversation about a movie or a game can just alleviate some of the burden you may feel.

Just as an aside, there is a mental health discussion thread on this site that you can join in with. I personally haven't been brave enough to do so but I have read through it when it was active and it seemed supportive while keeping a reasonable perspective and without becoming overly pandering, which seems like a good mix to me.

Anyway be well, and I hope to continue seeing you around as and when you are inclined to post!

@TheIdleCritic @ralphdibny You know I was just thinking maybe someone should look into creating a kind of lockdown lifeline thread but I guess if there's already a mental health thread that would work as well.

@TheIdleCritic Hope things get easier for you. Hang in there!

@TheIdleCritic - All the best, having people around you can help. Even if they are just around you as part of an online community, I'm sure we'd all be willing to offer whatever support you need that we can realistically provide, and see you again soon, should you need us.

@TheIdleCritic For what it’s worth, I’ve really enjoyed reading a lot of your posts and seeing the great things you’ve added to the community.

I’m in a bit of a slump lately too — although not to the extent you’ve described, but in a different way I have some external stressors that are sapping my life force. It’s made me a little less interactive of late, and I think this past 2 weeks was the first time in a while that I didn’t play any video games out of choice. I had ample time this past weekend, but I couldn’t clear my mind to even turn the console on.

Reading some of the thoughts and advice from some of the forum mates has buoyed my soul a little as well. The ladies and gents here in the forums have a great way of being supportive, and I thoroughly appreciate that.

In this awful version of the world that we currently reside in, we are bombarded with negative things. You’re going through a tough time, one which I can’t even begin to fathom. But to know that there is much out here that is good and joyful, and to know that people appreciate you and respect you — well, we all don’t hear enough of that nowadays. All we hear is negativity.

So I’ll add my words of encouragement (and I’ll listen to them myself) — This dreadful current state of the world and the unnecessary stress it brings can sod off. There are bright days ahead, no question about it. We’ll both come out stronger on the other side. Sometimes things happen for a reason and what looks gloomy at the time might turn out to be a lot better outcome in the end.

@TheIdleCritic Hey really sorry, I missed your other post but I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances and do share on here. I would consider myself pretty lucky with my immediate family but I have struggled with the fact my close friends are all spread across the country and I won't be seeing them so it must be even harder without that.

Gaming and communities like this have been a godsend to me, because sure it is a distraction in a way but it gives somewhere to communicate and things to look forward to and engage with that are divorced from real life. So do engage on here and any other communities - I know it has helped keep me going!

@TheIdleCritic Just keep going. There's no trick to help you through, just get through however you can. It's like flying into a cloud; you'll come out eventually, it's just a case of when. Until then, keep going.

One day this experience will probably be of benefit to you in some as-yet-unforeseen way, whether it's to get you through another difficult time or supporting somebody else

@Gremio108 Thank you. I'm trying to hang in there.

@TheIdleCritic I wouldn't call your situation trivial at all. I'm sure what you're going through is devastating. And, as has been said, there are no shortcuts through the emotions you're feeling. Mindfulness techniques are helpful when feelings get overwhelming, but, at the end of the day, the feelings are real and are still valid, and you'll need to give yourself the emotional space to fully grieve.

Normally I'd say that you should throw yourself into social activities to make new contacts and/or distract you from the pain, but given the situation in the world right now... it's not a good time to not be emotionally well-adjusted, unfortunately.

All I can say, from personal experience, is this: no matter how painful things are right now, the sharpness of it all will dull over time, and, if you don't close yourself off to the world, other people will likely come along who will help meet your emotional needs. That sounds clinical and dismissive, but humans have a remarkable ability to adapt to new circumstances.

@TheIdleCritic I could elaborate but I'll keep it short (and yeah, less personal) by just saying I can definitely relate to much of that. So you're not alone there.

One thing I think worth mentioning is that, in my experience, there are sometimes sections of our lives where there just isn't much to look forward to but it's quite often just a matter of waiting (usually not even that long in the grand scheme of things), as something typically comes along that makes it all worthwhile.*

I suppose that's just another way to word gremio's cloud analogy but ah well.

*Of course according to Buddhist thought there's not really good or bad, just life. And it's all to be lived and experienced similarly and with the same level of appreciation but I have yet to reach that level of enlightenment so yeah lol.

@TheIdleCritic honestly, it's not trivial at all. Any break up is going to be painful for both people whoever is responsible for it. It's especially painful when you lose the support bubble that you've described that you've gained from being with your partner.

There will be bad days and there will be good moments, which then turn to good days, sometimes you have to force yourself to have a good day. It sucks, it really does but I hope you get through it.

@RogerRoger @ralphdibny @zupertramp @Ralizah @Gremio108 @Rudy_Manchego @Th3solution @TheBrandedSwordsman @kyleforrester87 @LieutenantFatman

I just want to extend my thanks again to you guys.

I deleted my second long post as I felt a little uncomfortable, but the people it was meant for viewed it and replied, so that's what really matters.

I can't express how grateful I am for the kind words and advice. I've taken it all on board, and have come to realise that I do have help in coping with this. "Ya'll the best". I'm just taking it day by day. Lots of mugs of tea.

I'm currently installing Hitman 3, so maybe I will actually have to say goodbye for a while haha.

@TheIdleCritic You've legitimately been in my thoughts these past couple days. Good to hear from you. Maybe I'm an empath or whatever but, I worry. Enjoy Hitman 3; whatever gets you through the day right.

@zupertramp You have a good heart.

I don't deserve your worry, but you have my eternal gratitude. As I said, day by day. It's all I can muster up at the moment. But mercifully I've had a lot of moments of respite. Be it extra work, a new game, challenging myself with fitness, or sorting out the house. The hard moments come when certain thoughts enter my mind. Once they're in there it's hard to be distracted from them and it takes me back a few steps. Dare I say it, tougher days are yet to come. Especially when I'm inevitably forced to interact with certain people when I need to sort out things. But hey, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I just need to be mindful and calm.

@TheIdleCritic join in on the physical health thread if you feel comfortable enough. I'm hoping it helps mental health. It does from past experience as long as you don't go too doolally and NutriBullet your lasagne, though to be fair that would be a delicious shake.

Also we drink cups of tea, even if it is in a mug. It only becomes a mug when you use it for coffee (but can still be a cup). A true mug is (don't say me 😂) one of those massive Sports Direct Mug, now that is a mug and I love drinking coffee and occasionally tea (2 bags) out of one of those bad boys!

@TheIdleCritic Glad to know you'ev had some respite and yes, Tea is essential! Let us know how Hitman 3 goes!

@ralphdibny I'm with you on the big mug - I have one massive mug of coffee every morning before retiring to a normal sized mug for further top ups.

Apologies for the extreme lateness in only just seeing this and your post last week @TheIdleCritic but I hope you're doing as well as you can with everything that's happening.

I never had to contend with a lockdown and a pandemic going on the same at time ... But otherwise I've unfortunately had the "pleasure" of going through what you've been/are going through.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies.

It really may not seem like it some days... but you'll get through it. I can't imagine how much harder it is with these restrictions in place.

Unfortunately there isn't anything else I can really add to what you're already doing of taking it slowly & one day at a time, try to occupy your mind with the things you enjoy and when you're ready to talk/confide into some of your mates about it.

Plus... I guess you got all us weirdos regulars here on the forums if ya need a little help too. 👍

Enjoy Hitman 3 @TheIdleCritic and engage with us once again whenever you're ready. We'll be here.

@Rudy_Manchego nice, are you on the filter coffee vibe as well? I only ask because it's the only conceivable way to fill such a mug! An Americano I made out of a barista machines espresso would be too watered down and using coffee pods would cost far too much. I won't even mention the freeze dried granules....

@ralphdibny When I was working in the office, we had a decent filter coffee machine which was great. When we went into lockdown, my wife accidentally bought a bag of beans rather than a pack of coffee so I bought a bean grinder and I make a big pot each morning which gives me a big cup and a normal sized one for the wife.